Methodical
To be methodical, you have to have patience to see it through.
To be methodical, you have to have patience to see it through.
It is the plan you are living out. The plan may be one of the only things you have partial control over, if you are open to flexibility to reality because reality will change things and test your ability to adapt. With the plan, you have steps to look forward to trying, exploring, testing, and having results to discuss or write about. That’s probably why so many scientists and journalists have something in common, curiosity to test and experience the limits of ideas and truths humans have.
The plan for me over the last three years has been to reestablish my life, live out my personal goals, explore my identity, and finish writing a few projects that lead to fulfilling my dreams I have worked on since 2011. It’s been 13 years since graduating undergrad and I have consistently worked on my dreams for a while now. The difference between then and now is maturity, exeperience, confidence, and I’ve built a structure on how to create bodies of work. I have direction now in ways I didn’t have back then. My energy level is lower now but my passion to tell stories visually and now orally, still remains the same. I am methodical in my approach to create art now.
It’s been two months since I’ve sat down to intentionally write and it hasn’t been on purpose. My old MacBook Pro died without any room to revive it. Throughout the time of not having it, I’ve learned to build more patience. It’s been important for me to write every week and get the ideas on a page. To be consistent with writing is to water my art. I know I am a writer now because there’s not a day I don’t want to write a bit more. It’s become a part of my daily necessity like grooming or getting dressed, it is natural to me now. I find myself waking up earlier, one due to my almost two year old cat, Jayde, whose sleeping schedule doesn’t coincide with mine. Two, because I think the universe is preparing me for something that requires my attention at the early part of the day before it’s time for me to serve others. The plan has been for the last two years to build stability in a traditional way by getting a full time creative opportunity that will help me write freely without worrying how to live and sustain my livelihood. The plan is still the plan and now it is shifting in ways it should.
About a month ago, old faithful, how I refer to my old MacBook Pro circa 2015 died. My computer was my pride and joy. I didn’t buy it via Apple but I also didn’t pay $2k for it either, so there’s a win there. I bought it during my last year of graduate school and it’s seen me through some transformative years.
My laptop had been a graduation gift to myself as I needed an upgrade from the small MacBook I had worn out. I didn’t ask anyone to help me to purchase it. I didn’t put it on a credit card like I had done with the last one. I bought it with my last scholarship money. It was special to me and was the first one where I researched specs based on what I would use the computer for. I was intentional with this purchase.
Since 2019, I owned that computer and used it to edit film projects, audio podcasts, freelance, watch films and episodes, send thesis projects for review, schedule meetings, pitch to clients, send emails to my attorney, apply to jobs, have job interviews, apply to creative labs, sign divorce papers, negotiate, be notified of my divorce, send a change address form, move to a new apartment, meet with my therapist, shop, write, and plan travel. My computer had seen me through challenging times in my life over the past five years and I could not help but have an attachment wound in its absence.
I struggled with finding a solution immediately, then realized that this may have been a reminder to slow down and be present. I had just gotten into a groove with publishing essays as a writing practice and then reality set and I had to pause. So when I had to stop typing, I was frustrated. I continued writing in between the time via long form, but I had deadlines for writing labs and my laptop was indeed a necessity. I saved my money earned from teaching (more on this later, but yes— I am an educator), and bought a new MacBook.
Not that I need a reason to explain things but absence made my heart grow fonder and I have missed you. I appreciate expressing myself and having you all read the journey I am on. This means a lot. I’ve missed writing as a form of self expression and as a spiritual practice.
I am learning that my spiritual practice and maybe, even my purpose, is to write. By reflecting on my lived experiences I am able to help get through challenging times and hopefully inspire others that they too will get through it. Going to keep one foot in front of the other to get to the other side. I am back in my writing flow. Onward to writing more essays and screenplays.
Love,
~ Tea