Love Languages
I want someone whose love language correlates with and validates our connection.
She asked me, “What’s your love language Tea?” a first for her as she is my elder and family. We can assume the matriarchs in our families should know these parts of us by now, but as she asked this question, I marveled at the fact that she did not know. I am still processing my needs and love languages. I thought I should know by now given my age and the fact that I experienced my first long-term relationship as an adult, but I am not fully there to know them. However, the things I have discovered about myself in such a short time without being partnered is that my love languages include words of affirmation, quality time, and physical touch. Touch as in warm hands caressing parts of my face with wonder and love. Hand-holding and warm hugs while we are seated close on a bench or if the weather permits, maybe even on a stoop. I enjoy reading love notes from lovers who simply tell me, “I was thinking of you,” letting me know my energy is in their orbit. This helps me feel safe to be vulnerable with them and allows me to let down my guard.
I want someone to hug and hold me. This simple touch creates so much harmony and intimacy that it opens portals of love in small doses. I want to spend time with someone on a couch whom I feel secure with. As I lean into their shoulder, they ever so gently rub my scalp reassuring my safety in their arms. I want someone who affirms their affection for me with words of kindness and admiration of me. I want a lover who will not be a temporary companion in my journey of love, but whom I can build a future with. I want someone who wants to be wanted by me, who loves jazz as much as I do, or at least can appreciate the art form with me.
I want someone present at the moment we share. In NYC time is the least resource people have, at least that is what we keep telling ourselves. I am not sure I have been acquainted with anyone like this yet. I have gotten close though and that is progress. I want a healthy, loving relationship, but I do not need it. During this season of dating, I am exploring my options with a few people whom I am getting to know. The attraction is there but the connection is still missing. The connection built with someone is organic and it can not be forced. There can be so much attraction but without genuine connection, you have nothing to build on. But I am hopeful to meet this person this year. Maybe I have already met them but haven’t gotten to the point of connection yet. I am open to exploring what I have.
I want someone whose love language correlates with and validates our connection. I desire someone who has the space to not only love me but also provide the emotional support I need to be in a relationship. Of all the things I require in a relationship, emotional security is the most important to me along with the main pillars I adhere to. Emotional security, honesty, sexual chemistry, financial stability, and as an honorary mention, patience. Despite what it may look like on the outside, I am very emotional, so I need someone who can be patient with my emotional side. My emotions are important to me and as my past has taught me, they were not a priority before. Over the years I have worked hard to heal broken emotions and to be mindful not to lead with them. I’ve been mindful not to project my emotions onto others, along with not making someone else responsible for my emotions. I am now responsible for them. This was the lesson from my last relationship that I needed to work on. I am still working on this but I have progressed a lot.
I want someone who accepts the person I have become. Accepting my quirks and insecurities to reimagine them as strengths instead of weaknesses. Someone who is not afraid to put me first while balancing their needs to provide for themselves. I want someone who also needs space but not too much that they don’t inquire about me. I want someone who loves simplicity as well as moments of spontaneity. I want someone who still believes in having a crush, able to see it through into a deep love. I want someone who understands that it’s not always about lust, but who is dedicated to making a friendship work. They will take initiative by acting on love consistently. These are my love languages. I’ll patiently wait for them.